“Faith does not make things difficult, it makes them possible”. (Luke 1:37).
It’s been six years now and I’m still confined to my bed. I can’t even sit; all I can do with my body is a little turn and roll to change my position. There was a time when someone came to visit me and asked, “Are you not getting tired of your situation?”. My sincere answer was NO! I always answer them with my favorite quote that says – “if there is life, there is hope“.
Honestly, I get offended when people talk to me like that, impressing on having no hope for me to be able to walk again, rather I should give up. The hurt I feel is like of a deep stab wound through my flesh and bones. Yes, indeed it was very painful, more painful as my half-paralytic body suffers eveyday.
Through the years, I know I had improvements though. In the first year of being disabled, my body deteriorated and got a bedsore due to prolonged pressure and lying in bed in one position. I can’t even move my body to change my position, rather i would need my younger brother’s and father’s help. Then gradually my wounds were healed. Till miraculously one day, I was able to change my body’s position without their usual help. That yielded me tears of joy, crying unto the Lord with thanksgiving.
In 2011, I was moved to a small nipa hut separate from my family and daughter. This was necessary because of my bedsore, to be alone in a room where natural breeze could pass through, to hasten my burn’s healing or at least prevent from more. Being alone and half-paralytic took so much of courage and strong will to go on with everyday life.
It was then I started to give my full trust in God and prayed for guidance and protection. All I can do was to pray and surrender all my fears and worries to Him. To hold on to His never ending promises and to be stronger everyday. There came a time that I cannot sleep well and negatives filled my thoughts but I managed to ease down and instead read the promises of God in the Bible and instantly I felt okay.
That same year my daughter had just turned to one year old and was starting to learn walking. I was then sitting on my wheelchair, feeling so weak and had unexplainable pains attacking my system when I got no chance to hold and guide but only to witness her first step, her first walk. She just stared at me with a little hesitation and then stepped back to my father’s hands. As a mother, the heart ache I felt was so terrible, though I did not show her my tears. Emotional pain is the worst enemy against which I’m fighting.
To see my daughter everyday and sometimes, as she sits beside me gives me strength to go on instead of giving up. I’m always and continuously praying for God to heal me, for the love of my life, and for the reasons of my existence. Above all to be worthy of His unconditional love and mercy for us. I promised to the Lord Almighty – when time comes that I can walk again, I will offer my life to be His diciple and do good things in this world.
Just hold on… pain will come to an end, that’s what hope is for. In one of my dreams, God talked to me saying, ‘HOLD ON’, and that keeps me going and never loses my hope.
Our God is merciful and knows everything. He knows our pain and He will not leave nor forsake us. He will always provide every answer and solution to our problems. All we need is to trust Him, be prayerful and thankful for the life that He has given us. Thank you Lord!