Walk of Faith: God allowed this circumstance for me to look unto Him

Written by Che Y. Formilleza

Photograph: AlamyPhotograph: Alamy

“The Lord is gracious and full of compassion” (Psalm 111:4).

It was in 2010 when my life became miserable six months after I gave birth to my daughter. As a single parent, I was compelled to work hard to support her needs and most of all to give my parents an assurance that I can do it on my own without the support of her father.

That day came when I had high fever and urinary tract infections that triggered my body numbness beginning from my feet up to the chest and half part of my hands. And then just like the flash of a thunder, I became partially paralytic.

That moment I could no longer feel the other half-part of my body and could not get up from my bed was like being stricken unconsciously from nowhere and suddenly all went blank. I was in the hospital bed when my mother brought me my daughter who was only six months old then, she was crying while staring at me. In her subtle age, I knew she didn’t know what was happening to me though I felt her longing for a mother's normal care. I had a remorse for being too focused on my work then, that I almost had little time caring for her. That was my intense fear to realize that starting that day, I could no longer carry my daughter with my arms and take good care of her as mothers used to do.

In 2013, I was brought to Manila through the help of Gov. Lolong Firmalo and Mayor Trina Firmalo. They granted my request to undergo an MRI examination so that I would know what illness I have. That was my 2nd year of being bedridden. The results of the MRI examination were still unclear and still for further study. Though, it was clear that I had no any spinal fracture or abnormality which may have caused my paralysis, that at least relaxed my thoughts, seeing probable hopes ahead and I was thankful for that.

We decided to go home while waiting for possible chances to have my case further diagnosed, should I have the means, yet I was hopeful. From thereon, my life and days in agony of paralysis began, with which I surrendered all to our Lord through which I see hopes.

I strongly believe that God has reasons behind everything that happens in our life, should He allowed them. Whether or not we like it, the circumstances we face in, God is still in control of every page and chapter of our life’s story. That we should gratify for His provision at the moment we need Him because He has more superb plans ahead of us.

With my circumstance, the Lord did not punish me but, as He allowed this to happen, He reminds me to look unto Him. I did many mistakes in my life before, inflicted and frustrated many people for having broken promises and unfinished obligations for them especially my family for giving them so much disappointment, failure and heartaches in life, most of all for rejecting the presence of our Lord.

God is there all along to correct my mistakes and to lead me to the right path but I was so numb for all His love and care. I did not ask for His guidance instead I followed my own decisions…my erroneous plans which led me to more mistakes and failures.

Today, I am blessed and thankful to God for giving me a chance to go on with life. God allowed this trial not because He wants to punish me and suffer, but only to let me know that He is God and He will take control of my life. I praise the Lord for giving me my family who will never leave my side. Most especially for my daughter who will always remind me to smile and to be strong every day, and for His never ending mercy and goodness for giving me friends and kindhearted people who never stop praying for my continuous recovery and for helping me in times of need.

There was once a nun who visited me and said, “God gave you this kind of trial so that He will know if how many people still have kind hearts ready to help you”, and that was a divine reality that God has revealed in my life through the years of my battle.

There are so much to be thankful of Him every day. Many more reasons to be happy in life. Every trial we encounter and problems we have is God’s way to remind us of His might and power to answer and resolve our problems. Even little things we have in life should always be appreciated. Even little goodness we show everyday glorifies God and manifests His greatness to give us another day to live.

There was this precious time which always gave me tears whenever I reminisce – my daughter was sitting beside me and I was fixing her hair. Out of the blue she uttered, “Mama, I am happy that you are still alive”. I suddenly stopped what I was doing and cried silently. I felt a thousand pain in my heart but yielded a million joy of my soul.

To my dear readers, as I was writing my story, always makes me cry especially when I read your encouraging comments repetitively. I want to tell you that you bring joy in my heart and that recharges me like an electricity. Thank you all for your overwhelming support and prayers offered. May God bless us all!